Well what a night last night. Took my defender for a drive out on the moors on road. Took the dog for a walk in the pouring rain. Got back to my baby. Took my sopping coat off and reached over and shoved it down in the passenger footwell. It caught on something, there was a small click and then it was free. So Engine on, Radio On, into gear, off we went homeward . . . . . .. . backwards . . .. . eh. . . . WTF!!!! OMG BREAK BREAK. Try that again . . . . . nope same story. I got out and looked around . . . nuthin. So wtf was going on. Got back in . . . tried and tried but only kept creeping backwards. But there were no bangs, no nothin, just going backwards. Gears didnt seem to do anything. I was like offs what WHAT THE . . now wait that bloody click. O M G, the diff lock which I was unsure about how to use properly, was sitting there all inocently floppy in its neutral position. HA, but then feck cause I did say I wouldnt touch it till I knew exactly what to do with it. Now I know now, but at the time didnt, and by now it was dark, and the onlookers in the cottage across the way who kept seeing me roll backwards were passing round teas and coffees to each other and watching in fascination. Turned the interior light off and had a small cry. Had a smoke to calm down. Considered posting a panicked question on here but realised that I would have to trawl through the **** take to find the answers, and besides at that time you lot would all be glued to Alan Titchmarsh, or Jeremy Kyle reruns, and it would be ages before I would get a reply. So I decided to read the owners manual. In 15 seconds I was heading home. LOL. Go figure the owners manual, duh!
So this is for anyone who is afraid to ask or does not want to look a tit - I dont care cause you were all there once - I know that you know that - so this is a laymen's description of what that little knob does in a defender 90 TD5 2001 ( cant vouch for others but I would imagine its pretty much the same). Here goes. Read the manual as its explained there, but for ease, the knob behind the gear stick is the diff lock. But dont let that confuse you because it is in use the whole time. Its like your gear stick but the gear
postions are in an H shape. On the left hand side of the H are the diff lock postions, on the right of the H are the normal driving postions. Normal first - for normal driving on normal roads where there is no risk of wheel slipping put the Knob in the bottom right on the H. This is high range. If you are pulling away on a hill with a heavy load put the knob in the top right of the H to get going - this is low range. Now these is for normal driving. The middle of the H <-- is the neutral postion and this will mean that **** all works. Engine runs, lights work but mr drive off is not at home.
Now diff lock - this locks the wheels together so they are like a dumbell with the weights glued to the bit you hold. You can push them along the floor straight but if you try and make them go round your sitting dog, they slip and skid because one has to travel further round the bend than the other does and because they cannot rotate on the bit your holding the inner one is forced to skid on the carpet to keep attached to the bit your holding. So unless your wheels can slip easily do not engage the difflock.
The diff lock gears are on the left of the H. Top left is low range and bottom left is high range. Again the middle is neutral. Again **** all happens quickly if you put the knob there.
If you didnt get an owners manual with your rusting Land Rover Skateboard because mice had used it to wipe their arses in the dilapidated shed you dragged your landy out of, then I will happily type what it says in here. Its very clear. Just say you would like it typed up.
Now I know - being an ex navy submariner- that there will be old smelly oil stained rolly chewing toughies in here, whos thumbnails are unusually long and have 3 months worth of engine grease, lamb bone fat and various other icky substances wedged in em, who would look at what I have written and be disgusted. Comments like well if you didnt know what its for you shouldnt have bought one, will be slipping out of their nicotine stained upper lip hair. But do you know what I say, I say bring it you old bitter man, bring it and I will woop your sorry arse with more **** take than than your tired old mind can handle. Do you know why, cause I know **** all about **** all, but I am gonna learn whether you help me or not, and then I am gonna be helping you one day cause your gonna need me to. So there lol. Hope this helps others - and erm oh yeah - **** deflector to maximum - bring it lol
