The end is near-incomming

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fanatic

fanatic

RESPECT IS EARNED, BEATINGS ARE FREE ;-)
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After months of trying to get my girlfriend to see her terminally ill granddad while he still was well enough and able to go out the pub etc.

She wouldn't heed my advice and enjoy the time he has left

She has just received a phone call from her mother and he is refusing to go into a hospice and has Marie Curie nurses and my gf mother and aunty looking after him.

She says she wants to talk to him, so it has been suggested that a phone call at a time he is comfortable and awake would be best.

but she won't do it, the time frame of opportunity is closing fast.:doh:

Suggested a letter as another idea if she feels talking is too traumatic.
 
The Mad Hat Man said:
its her life, Fanny - she has to live with the consequences of her decisions.
Click to expand...

I know but seeing several other people die this way-you have to say what you need to say.

Cancer is the worst way to go this has gone on months and I am all too familiar with how it ends:(
 
I know it aint the same but in my job I lose peeps regular.. one yesterday in fact :(.. I feel better that on sunday when I was workin I was able to chat to her kind of as she had very bad dementia.. but at least I had spent some time with her, and got a smile out of her too. She was quite volatile too and you could tell she was gonna turn so to speak... I will never forget sittin on my knees infront of her and when she reached out ...me thinkin to slap my face, she played with me hair.

I think she should go she will regret it for years otherwise. And at times like these you have to forgive and forget. He may of been bad in the past but he is a dyin man and he should be able to die knowin that things have been put to rest. :)
 
Minty he is nice person, I'm hoping she will write a letter that can be read to him.

Best way of describing it is knowing disbelief aka denial
 
Sorry to hear the news.
In my experience if you are going to regret something, it is better to regret doing something than not doing something. If she goes to see him or speaks to him over the phone or via Skype or even records a tape, and it goes badly, it will likely still be better than the rest of a lifetime of what ifs.
As a first step why not get her to write the letter and say that she can decide when she has written it whether or not to let him see it - the process of writing it will crystallise how she really feels, and then if there are things in it she still wants to say she can figure out then how best to communicate it. If she decides to visit with the letter, that doesn`t mean to say she has to see him if she really doesn`t want to - its step by step, but they have to be short and quick steps. The time for too much thinking about the process appears to have passed so set a short deadline, after which the decision is the decision, whatever it is. In any event decisions like this are usually best instinctive and then rationalised as you go along .
The other useful test might be "which decision is easiest to fix if it turns out to be wrong?" - if she sees him before he dies and it goes badly is she really any worse off, or at least worse off in any way that can`t be fixed, if she doesn`t see him before he dies and regrets it then thats unfixable.
Best of luck
 
The Mad Hat Man said:
lets face it, Fanny - it aint surprising she is in denial and has bad taste..... :):):D
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pmsl:doh: trust you

IGP50 said:
Sorry to hear the news.
In my experience if you are going to regret something, it is better to regret doing something than not doing something. If she goes to see him or speaks to him over the phone or via Skype or even records a tape, and it goes badly, it will likely still be better than the rest of a lifetime of what ifs.
As a first step why not get her to write the letter and say that she can decide when she has written it whether or not to let him see it - the process of writing it will crystallise how she really feels, and then if there are things in it she still wants to say she can figure out then how best to communicate it. If she decides to visit with the letter, that doesn`t mean to say she has to see him if she really doesn`t want to - its step by step, but they have to be short and quick steps. The time for too much thinking about the process appears to have passed so set a short deadline, after which the decision is the decision, whatever it is. In any event decisions like this are usually best instinctive and then rationalised as you go along .
The other useful test might be "which decision is easiest to fix if it turns out to be wrong?" - if she sees him before he dies and it goes badly is she really any worse off, or at least worse off in any way that can`t be fixed, if she doesn`t see him before he dies and regrets it then thats unfixable.
Best of luck
Click to expand...

I'll try again, she is friendly with the retired lady next door-maybe some wisdom from her will help.
 
seriously, Fanny - yu cant force her - we all make decisions that we may, or may not, regret later. If you have given her the benefit of yo wisdom, then yu have to let her make the decision.
what might be right for you, may not be for her.
 
Sirus said:
More to the point what has her granddad done to her to make her not want to see him?
Click to expand...

Nothing, we have been there before- it is embarrassment of situation I feel, Hoping she would want to just say what she tells me to him before the window of opportunity expires.
 
fanatic said:
Nothing, we have been there before- it is embarrassment of situation I feel, Hoping she would want to just say what she tells me to him before the window of opportunity expires.
Click to expand...

She knows how you feel about it, and for what it's worth I think your right, but it's got to be her decision and your job as a caring person to pick up the pieces afterwards, with no recriminations.

Good luck
 
Of course I'm caring Person, See what your saying-wait and see what the outcome is.:)
 
fanatic said:
Up to her all bills paid and money in pocket

If what I offer is not enough then I will happily move her back to mummy and daddy.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, could move another young lady in tomorrow.

Told her straight,no messing around, she is behaving like a spoilt child
Click to expand...

Be sure your previous comments will come back to haunt you :rolleyes:

how do reconcile your "I take no ****" attitude with trying to impose your attitudes on her? :behindsofa:
 
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