I would avoid the BECM altogether if you're wiring in something aftermarket other than for the illumination of the backlight.
If it comes with the plug, the I would splice in the ground wire from pins 1,3,4 to the grounds from the rest of the dash switches. I would also splice the red/white illumination wire into the loom where it goes to the other switches. The lamps are only 1.2W or something low like that, so not going to draw much extra current.
I would then wire in the relay for whatever is being powered by the switch, so that one side of the relay coil connects to +ve voltage (possibly though a diode for protection and probably ignition switched) and then the other side of the relay coil to pin 5 of the switch. so when the switch is pressed/latches, if provides the ground path for the relay.
If you want to use the telltale lamp on the switch, then this would just need to be fed with +12V when the external unit is powered. If the relay is actually switching the 12V across the contacts, to power something external then you could just take a feed off of that to then illuminate the lamp when the relay contacts are closed and supplying power.
With this, you would only need to run 2 additional wires into the dash - one for the switch contact, and the other to power the telltale for whenever the external unit is powered or active.
That would be my way of doing it, without then having to mess about with the BECM, settings, or any of that.