Trouble is, I have zero mechanical knowledge, ...
Lol! Sounds like me before I got mine. That changed though.
No don't get a P38 if you don't want to / can't get your hands greasy sometimes. Any car when it gets to 8 - 10 years old starts to have multiple bits fail. Its a bit of a labour of love to fix things and its frustrating because of course they don't go at the same time so psychologically it can seem never ending. However once you do get through that phase the cars are usually safe for another 4 or 5 years. This has been my experience with several vehicles including those I owned from new.
A few facts about the P38 (from my experience).
1. It won't explode (as you mentioned earlier). Things may keep going wrong but she'll always bring you home.
2.The EAS is a huge part of the RR experience. Otherwise you could buy a Defender. The EAS is not unreliable. However at this sort of age it will need to be renewed. It can be done for the price of a good coil conversion, will last as long and be much more comfortable.
3.The engine cooling system (both diesel and petrol) works well but does not have much tolerance. So if there is the slightest leak or a water pump that's turning slow or a radiator fan that doesn't get up to speed, it will overheat and that will kill the engine. If you keep the cooling circuit in shape you will have no problems.
4.The diesel engine is underpowered. Which means to get away from traffic lights before they go back to red again you need a chip tune and so on. They also have hot starting problems and leaks around the injectors etc. These are known faults. V8s don't have this. The known fault in the V8 is the infamous cracked block / slipped liner etc but that has to do with overheating which I covered before. Don't overheat the engine and you'll never have a problem.
5.Your newer P38 will have the alarm and remote key issue resolved. On older cars that were built before WiFi became so common, there is an issue of the alarm system being kept constantly awake from stray WiFi signals resulting in overnight battery drain.
6. If you bear in mind that the Range Rover was a high-end luxury vehicle then you'll understand that it had the state of the art electronics of its day. Part of that is the BECM, an electronic brain that's supposed to control and manage everything. Its quaintly cumbersome and old fashioned by today's electronics but was red hot when it came out. The BECM can sometimes hiccup. If you keep the rest of the car in shape and epecially if you keep the battery healthy its less likely to happen but it still will happen. When it does, there are good folk on here who will talk you through the various options.
7. Being a luxury car, LR presumed that having affluent owners the P38 would be maintained regardless of cost. Well maintained it is still (IMO) one of the most comfortable, poised and elegant rides on the road. And maintenance is much cheaper today than when it was new because its one of the last cars that can still be mostly owner maintained or if you prefer not to, there are plenty of knowledgeable independents. Under these conditions it is also a rugged go anywhere vehicle. But its no Series III in the kalahari that can be repaired by bush mechanics with some elephant dung and a bit of twine!