Info for Newbies

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redhand said:
My advice to noobies is if yer do top yerself do it this way for minimum pain and mess.

1st fill a bath upto the 3/4 mark, with the water as hot as you can bear it.
2nd sit on the end of the bath with you feet in the water.
take a stanley knife or scalpel and cut the soles of your feet and put them back in the bath water. then slide down into the bath.

The hot water will prevent the blood from coagulating, and gravity will ensure that all your blood flows out of your body and into the bath.

When your discovered and removed from the bath you won't drip blood all over the place because there won't be any left to drip out.

There you go who says senior members don't give good advice?
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ANything a little quicker??
 
Oh and Zippy you might find the posts insulting but that's just our way of trying to warn newbie gaylander owners to get rid of the heaps of crap they've just brought before it bankrupts them.
 
redhand said:
My advice to noobies is if yer do top yerself do it this way for minimum pain and mess.

1st fill a bath upto the 3/4 mark, with the water as hot as you can bear it.
2nd sit on the end of the bath with you feet in the water.
take a stanley knife or scalpel and cut the soles of your feet and put them back in the bath water. then slide down into the bath.

The hot water will prevent the blood from coagulating, and gravity will ensure that all your blood flows out of your body and into the bath.

When your discovered and removed from the bath you won't drip blood all over the place because there won't be any left to drip out.

There you go who says senior members don't give good advice?
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that's very good advice but is slightly flawed in so much as someone would have to remove the body

my advice would be to purchase two standard sized packs of postcrete and two cheap plastic buckets - find yourself a bridge over water, stand on the edge with a foot in each bucket and fill the buckets with the postcrete

wait for it to rain, allow to set - then jump

as we are seeking an environmentally friendly method of disposal please ensure that you place the empty postcrete bags into your pockets before you jump - especially as many areas will fine you for littering these days

hope this helps
 
Sirus said:
Surely slitting yur feet an puttin em in the bath will sting just a little:D
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Apparently not the hot water deadens the pain. I worked for an organisation that worked with homeless teenagers and we had a young lass in that'd tried it before she came to us. Fortunately for her, her brother was a 1st aid trainer and kicked the bathroom door down in time but she lost loads of blood and almost died.
 
Zippy said:
I'm not trying to change the way things are run at all, my main issue is with users posting sh#te half way through a genuine thread.

If somebody wants to post cr#p then open a CR#P thread and talk to your hearts content i will then not open it at all and wont then offend the Big Guns sensibilities.

When somebody posts wanting advice on buying a Freelander why do some people think its good/funny to post an insult and then act like a pr#ck.

If its a CR#P thread i wont read it but its difficult if i'm looking at a genuine thread to then fine somebody has posted the usual sh#te half way through it.

THAT IS MY POINT.
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I understand what you are saying. But thats the nature of LZ. Like it or loathe it, laugh or get annoyed, its how it is and how its always been and how its going to remain. The only sensible section on the whole forum is the RR bit.. but occasionaly the banter even spills into there too. That is how it is. You don't have to stay if it annoys you that much..

IT ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE.
 
Zippy said:
Most genuine car lovers agree the Porsche is a great car so i cant be that bad with my selections, Freelander apart that is :)
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is yer missis not ****ed orf with you fer buying yer expensive penis extension while she's still drivng around in that liability ?
 
No i offered her a new car and she said no :D

To be fair she is trying the new Citroen C Crosser this week (Waiting for a Diesel to test drive)
Not my choice, bit like the Freelander but hey she drives it.

As for the penis extension the Porsche attracts less attention than the other cars i liked and tried, Lamborghini Gallardo nice but not an everyday car, the Audi R8 was lovely but an 18 month wait put me off so went with the Porsche.

As for the SAAB i have the Aero model it doesnt have a cam belt, it uses a chain and a balancer shaft (Reduces vibration) so cannot suffer with a cam belt failure resulting in premature failure followed by a large bill, unlike the cheaper Vectra derivetive.
 
ffs do you really think you have the ability to **** me off. and as for being uneducated well ,that old one about folk in glass houses springs to mind here.

your too dense to have anything usefull to say, i put money on paulb or dik17 beating you in a ' who has the most smarts ' competition. you too thick to realise that if you don't want to read someones posts you can always use the ignore option.

of course if you did that they you wouldn't have anything to complain about.
 
slob said:
ffs do you really think you have the ability to **** me off. and as for being uneducated well ,that old one about folk in glass houses springs to mind here.

your too dense to have anything usefull to say, i put money on paulb or dik17 beating you in a ' who has the most smarts ' competition. you too thick to realise that if you don't want to read someones posts you can always use the ignore option.

of course if you did that they you wouldn't have anything to complain about.
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Your not helping yourself are you, your grammar is atrocious. See what i mean about education.

''You too thick'' to notice or care, probably both in your case.

I know your loving me with every new post, it shows you care and more importantly that i'm getting to you.
 
and, a good number of the posts on here from "newbies" are just from people that are too dumb / lazy to read the manual.

As for the mutual appreciation / **** taking, we are all joined together in common bond of owning land rover based vehicles. In the same way a group of football or rugby fans will sit together in the pub and groan and moan at their teams misfortune, this is just a group of solihull product owners moaning and groaning together.

Maybe you like to go into a packed pub on match day and suggest all the supporters are c*nts, in the same way you have derided "the big guns"

Thought not
 
wigleytuff said:
and, a good number of the posts on here from "newbies" are just from people that are too dumb / lazy to read the manual.

As for the mutual appreciation / **** taking, we are all joined together in common bond of owning land rover based vehicles. In the same way a group of football or rugby fans will sit together in the pub and groan and moan at their teams misfortune, this is just a group of solihull product owners moaning and groaning together.

Maybe you like to go into a packed pub on match day and suggest all the supporters are c*nts, in the same way you have derided "the big guns"

Thought not
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Have you seen 51st state ?

That was my twin going into the pub and winding all the Manc supporters up, do it every weekend, love it.

As for ''Big Guns'' dont make me laugh and will you please stop the incessant bottom worshipping of them.
 
"my ego's bigger than your ego.,so **** you". That's a sad mentality you've got there, Zippo" As for walking into a pub and winding all the fans up. I doubt very much that you do. just more hot air. from a fat **** who likes to pretend he's a big man.
 
Zippy said:
Have you seen 51st state ?

That was my twin going into the pub and winding all the Manc supporters up, do it every weekend, love it.

As for ''Big Guns'' dont make me laugh and will you please stop the incessant bottom worshipping of them.
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oi vectra man, rather than coming out with a stream of random phrases what's the chance of you adding some supporting evidence which illustrates the "incessant bottom worshipping" ?

you've made yer point, we all now know you don't like the banter, you've been shown where the door is, yet to continue to want to have the last word - why ?

is it now not time for you to zip it zippy ?
 
cashybai said:
Ladies & Gents,
Bearing in mind some of the recent posts, I feel it is a suitable time to issue some advice to all junior members posting questions for the first time. If you are of a nervous disposition, easily offended, or of a flighty nature, I suggest you have a read of some of the threads already posted: this will prepare you for the sort of onslaught you are liable to cop. Rest assured, you will get some of the best advice available, but you'll also get a fair bit of stick as well. Several newbies lately seem to have taken exception to the 'normal' level of banter that goes on here, which has led to some pretty messy scenes....

Put it like this:
1) Hold yer head up, sail through the abuse, and yer advice will be there.
2) Don't try and mix it with the likes of Yella, MHM, Redhand, Wiggletuff and a few other 'faces' you'll soon get to know....you'll come out more bruised than England just did against the Boks.
3) Avoid Slob like the plague.
4) Accept that LR made a monumental f*ck-up with the Freebie, but at least yer'll know how to moan like the rest of us.

If Abuse, derision and general p*ss taking is not yer boat, stick to crochet or buy a disco or tratter(Softies way out). It takes a hard Man or Girl to put up with the **** that comes yer way owning a FL.;)
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Zippy,
I Suggest you read all the above highlighted quotes from the very first post. This forum is pretty much unique in the way it deals with items. Yes, you'll get stick, but you'll also get the best advice going. I'd also read this thread as suggested http://www.landyzone.co.uk/lz/f9/safari-3000-lamps-fitting-instructions-46640.html which illustrates the point perfectly. I'd also suggest reading this post from a newbie within that very thread. http://www.landyzone.co.uk/lz/389289-post12.html, sez it all. Prior to joining the Fire Service, I spent 6 years in the Forces (RAF to be precise). One thing I love about this Forum is the humour is exactly that which is present within the military and the fire service; ask a stupid question that the answer is easily found out yerself, make a tw*t of yerself, and you'll get the p*ss ripped out of you, and quite cruelly too. I spend ages on here reading some of the 'cutting' replies p*ssing mesen laughing, there's too many people out there so far up there own a*seholes that they can't laugh at themselves, sad for them.
There's a phrase in the forces & in the fire service, 'if you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined'.
Think about it Zippy.
 
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