Hummer Vs. Land Rover

What would preform better in 99% of off road conditions?

Hummer h1

or competition Land Rover?

99% of off-roading in UK is mummy parking on the pavement collecting Tarquin from 'prep'. As we have narrow pavements over here, Landrovers perform far better in such 'extreme' off-road conditions

As Britain is so much smaller than the US (but large enough for our egos, thanks ), trees pack together much tighter and 109" front-to-back seems handier than 109" between front wheels for perking/manouvering in Kew. (Although the Hummer is more than capable of simply driving over any such obstacles)

Standard Hummer(Series 1(teehee - we're long-past SI,SII,SIII etc) is exceptional for mowing down vast swathes of terrorists (innocent civilians) whereas the same effect can only be attained after several passes in a Landrover (although the far superior fuel-economy permits this).

Hummer has all the grace of a pregnant frog on a matchbox so it mirrors the Landrover here (although in using this metaphor, a 'Bluebell' or 'Swan Vestas' box fits our needs rather than a "Cook's matches industrial-sized catering pack").

As standard, the Hummer is slow, gutless and weedy. (Check out Arnie's twin-turbo - it rocks!) but in comparison the standard Landrover is slow, gutless and weedy.

Landrover can be armoured to withstand an attack from an anti-tank-weapon but AFAICT the Hummer IS an anti-tank-weapon.

I have seen several Landrovers modified with the 6.5 GMC V8 diesels (fitted to Hummers) but have yet to see a retro-fit 2.25 in a Hummer - highlighting the Landrover's vastly superior modification potential

A competition Landrover can be tipped over on its side for major works/repairs. A Hummer tipped over on its side requires a large crane, a crew of 15 and three weeks simply to be put back on its wheels.

I have to admit I've seen some Hummers doing some pretty extreme off-roading. But nothing worse than I've seen Landrovers going through (And at least at the end of the day, you can still park your Landrover in your Barratt's house garage)

You can generally fit more shopping in a Hummer.

Most Landrovers (competition ones included) have the steering wheel on the correct side so you do not have to entrust driving to the passenger (although your average Hummer front bench seat will accomodate two average Americans whereas the Landrover will accomodate three Brits (NB- a tight squeeze in both cases)) (see also relative sizes of "rear-view mirrors") - so Landrovers have more potential for the number involved in driving too (one for the pedals and turny-thing, one for the sticky-speedy thing (Americans seem to have forseen this potential problem and invented "The automatic")).

All Landrovers have a turning circle comparable to the QEII. America had to invade Iraq not for oil, but to allow a Hummer in Kuwait to perform a three-point turn.

Some competition Landrovers (triallers mainly) have 'fiddle' brakes. Hummers require 'double-bass' brakes.

Engine noise in a competition Landrover may be extremely intrusive. Engine noise in a Hummer may be heard several days later.

A Landrover soft-top could never be used to hide Chile. And the "hood sticks" would be no use for repairing The Forth Rail Bridge.

On a less serious note, everyone should google at least once for a laugh - try f**kwit (with "U" and "C" inserted in the appropriate places) in the search box and see what google's first 'hit' is....

a

By the way i own a hummer and No the noise cannot be heard several days later

what part of England are you from?http://www.landyzone.co.uk/photopost/showphoto.php?photo=97

First off, I like Hummers (the original, not that new version based on the Ford Explorer (or whatever it is)) and have seen them doing some absolutely awesome stuff so I have no illusions(allusions?) as to what they're capable of. But they're designed to a totally different brief from the Landrover and both excel in different areas. Perhaps a more valid comparison may be with the Unimog. (Close run, but I reckon the Unimog may have a slight edge here).
(Please don't take any of the post in any way other than the light-hearted joshing it was intended as)
Also, 'competition' covers everything from triallers thru (look! I even used an American spelling to prove I'm not Anti-USA (or anyone else, even the nation of cheese-eating surrender monkeys ) although 'U' and 'ough' seem to have swapped-ends crossing the Atlantic - pOUGHkeepsie springs to mind here!) winch-comp buggies to 'compers'.
For instance, I and my friend have superficially similar Landrovers - me '67 100" 220bhp, his '58 88" 300+bhp. Both leaf-sprung, both powered by Detroit's finest reject - The ('27?) Buick V8 3.5l (IIRC that's about 213.5ci (based on one of my favourite cars - 7-litre Shelby Cobra (427) therefore 7/2=427/213.5ci ) but mine's designed to triall, his to comp. In a trial (slow-driving between canes) he matches/competes with standard Series vehicles whereas I 'mix it' (suspended-burst clutch) with most 'coillers' (except wading and'extreme' susp.kits seem to have an advantage). If I 'comped' my trialler I reckon I'd manage about two corners before either 'extreme lean' or brake fade made me fall over (or crash).
In answer to your question about where in Englandshire I'm from, I'm from the part of England like USA is a southern Canadian state....
I'm Jockinese. I'm from Scootland. I'm Scottish and proud of it (look good in a (man's) skirt). My son is Scott ('The Scooter' 'cos he 'scoots' and is a 'Scoot'(pun)), am proud of my heritage, proud of my family, proud of my clan and able to laugh at myself (and with age it gets easier as more things wobble) and don't mind if others do too.

A rough translation of each paragraph is as follows:

P**stake of fact that most 4x4s in this 'country' see mud from afar and 87% are owned by (and never leave) 'townies'.

Compared to Landrovers, Hummers are HUUUUUGE! And perking in Kew is at a premium and it has a fine tree tradition and has botanical gardens (Royal - like Imperial (GALLONS, cubic INCHES, MILES per hour) but fewer colonies, no mention of guineas (£1 1s bounty for the first person either under 30, not from the Home Counties, a subject of the Raj or an expert on Anglo-American history pre-1867 (without particular reference to derogatory ethnic markers and the pre-decimal system) to note the tenuous link here-payable by UK postal order on proof of Dodi-conspiracy theory))) etc. And perking is like sex- Similar to Kensington, people in Kew put their 'refuse' (rubbish or 'garbage' to us commoners (or 'vassals')) in sex.....

Hummers are wider than Landrovers.

Hummers are larger than Landrovers

Both are slow.

Hummers are bigger than Landrovers

I refer the Honourable Gentleman to the four previous points.

Landrovers are smaller

Hummers are larger

Americans are apparently all lard-asses like the English are terrain-grabbing colonialists, the Germans are beer-swilling poolside-lounger stealers, the Scots are all tight-fisted alcoholics and the French are a (thanksBart! (8(l) ) 'bunch of cheese-eating surrender-monkeys'. Let's just ignore the Belgians..... (tres Pythonesque...)
PS: LR drivers are all either schizophrenic or can't multi-task(Gears &steering?) but LR drivers use "autopassenger", not "auto'box".

Neither Hummers nor Landrovers match 'London' taxis ('black' ("ethnically differentiated"??) cabs for turning circle. Mind you, I owned a Reliant Kitten (or about seven!) that could turn INSIDE a 'black cab', be fixed with Tupperware remnants, be parked in a shoebox, carry 2 in comfort (or as many as you could shoehorn in in extreme pain...),had a power-to weight ratio similar to a Hayabusa (and weighed less! ) so I xpect 3-point turns all the time...

Hummers are larger

Engine noise in (just about) any 'comp-prepared' LR is usually louder. As standard, Hummers areSLOOOOW.

Hummers are larger

First hit: John Prescott - similar in many ways to your Condoleeza Rice - unattractive,saggy,large shapeless t*ts (CR &JP); a pugilistic attitude; constant (mistaken) inferiority complex in the presence of "men" and employed only by virtue of their ability to be trotted (Prescott & trotters- mair puns laddie.... ) out as proof of positive discrimination on behalf of several minority groups...

CAVEAT
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The above opinions should in no way be taken to represent the opinion of the author (either explicit or implied) and should not be held,founded upon or used in any way shape or form or referred to without the author's explicit permission. The opinions expressed are held as copyright and as such may not be copied, facsimiled, copied, forwarded, archived, retained (for future use),referred to in any previous or subsequent document either in a legal context or or any other. Transferral of this document by any means including by any electronic (or electrical) means of transfer explicitly and implicitly expresses acceptance of these terms. Subsequent indemnification of the author for unlimited amounts in the way of damages therefore exists and the "forwarder, transportee or 'passer-on'" of this document agrees to the highly restrictive terms and conditions listed above. At this point, my eMail, internet adresses and identity on several bulletin boards get hacked. This absolves me from any responsibility as it was quite clearly someone else who said if I made you smile,please feel free to pass this (and the eMail it refers to) on. Oh and while I'm assuming someone else's identity : you may think we live in a 'blame culture'; but it seems more "blame-free" to me....

Hummers were not around in 1948, and as far as I know, could never be used to drive farm machinery without compressing the soil under its wheels. Would you like to take a hummer on the cammel trophy tour? Could it be done?

Land Rovers (90s and 110s) are practical, utilitarian, and have minimal bravado. They are designed to get the job done, and to this effect, are successful. Hummers are big, needlessly heavy, needlessly wide, ridicilously thirsty, and are as modest as Ron Jeremy in a thong!

I live in the USA and I own a Discovery and everyone in the USA that has a HUMMER or a Land Rover barely ever takes them off road because they are afraid of the price tag it would take to try and fix it if somthing happend..I personally beat the **** out of my LR and I havn't had any problems (expect the stupid engine that is SH#@) but other than that I think they are a pretty even vehicle the HUMMER does suck up a lot more gas I feel but they aren't quite as nimble..like I said no one that I know of in the USA takes there presious HUMMER of road unless it is a H1 then they might but no H2's go off road....

My 1969 series 2a has only cost me £1000 to completely rebuild from chasis up, and that includes a new engine, new parabolic springs all round, second hand overdrive, free wheeling hubs, plus loads of other stuff. The original engines are Callum Rowlands Aberdeen Police, but for the maintanance price, the Landy can not be beaten. Now come on America, please say something controversial about Landies ;o)

Again I live in the USA and all American cars and trucks are CRAP!! compared to the LAND ROVER or BMW or Mercedes...

British Leyland?

I'm Mr. LR but I know LR/Hummer limitations. I've seen Hummers doing some amazing stuff,but I have to say that as I have a special rollcage, I've tried and tried and stiill done the same as Hummers.Hummers can be modified to amazing degrees, but Landrover drivers try harder.....
Tried f**kwit in google? If you're not .co.uk then think you'll miss.

I live in West Africa, and we do have a use for a good 4x4 around... I learned to drive in a SII when I was a kid, and have owned several of the wondrous Solihull products over the years. Land Rovers are ugly, their engines suck, they rattle horribly, they are noisy, they really teach you something about "field repairs with available means", they leak internal fluids outside and external liquids inside, in fifty years LR engineers have not been able to figure out that nobody uses the third front seat, but everybody would LOVE some elbow room, and as a general rule Land Rovers have no shortage of little inconveniences (such as the excellent thermal transfer rate between the engine/gearbox compartment and the cabin, which really grabs your attention when you approach the Sahara). I love them. In Africa, they are one of the extremely few things you can rely on.

As for the Hummer... You see, here it does not matter how an object looks like (which would tend to favour the Hummer, one may say): what determines the people's judgment is the ability of said object to perform a task, and its resistance to damage. And believe me, the local users are good in the damage department. Local mechanics are even better, but this is beyond the present topic.

Some time ago, a friend of mine had to lead an official delegation to the location of a proposed tourist lodge. In the bush, of course, with no road and not much of a trail to follow.

The convoy comprised of my friend's 130" Defender, a few Toyota Land Cruisers (the status symbol for anyone worth calling himself someone around here – and one of the last things a knowledgeable human being should buy if he really expects to take an offroad vehicle offroad, in my biased opinion), a couple of Toyota HiAce minivans, a bunch of the ubiquitous Peugeot 504, and a Hummer. Hummer 1, for the record. The proud owner made a point to let everybody know that HE was the owner, and discreetly informed the lesser mortals of the king's ransom he had forked out for that marvel. Haughtily, he gave a few technical details about the engineering prowess that the Almighty American Army had commissioned, and that some rare and privileged human beings such as He himself were fortunate enough to use as a personal means of transportation.

After that, the convoy set into motion, the humble 130" showing the way, the commoners following suit in the various low-class vehicles, while the élite floated above in the Land Cruisers, and His Majesty rode contemptuously astride his shiny black steel Clydesdale.

Unsurprisingly, the HiAces quit a few feet after leaving the tarmac, and disgorged their passengers who packed into the other vehicles. But shortly after, things got interesting: to his utter and complete confusion, the bummer in the Hummer had to abandon his pride and glory, and climb into a battered old 504: his beast was just too WIDE to follow the track!! He would have needed an advance party with chainsaws and some dynamite to clear a path for his Ultimate American Response To a Misunderstood Problem...

Seems to me that if the US Army had checked their geography books (tell me, they have some, do they?), they might have realised that outside Irak there are several places on Earth in which trees do actually grow, and tend to be an impediment to traffic for things sized like a department store!

Likewise, I suspect that the recent tendency for the US to "liberate" countries looking like Afghanistan, Irak, and the top of Yul Brynner's skull may have something to do with the little shortcomings of their vehicles. I bet that the Amazon basin is a much safer place than the Gobi Desert for someone to hide from Uncle Sam's vengeful wrath.

Oh, by the way, I had close acquaintance with troops involved in peacekeeping (and sometimes peacebreaking) in Sierra Leone, Liberia, Sudan, Congo, and Rwanda. Guess what's the most common vehicle they use... (no, it's not made in the USA, and yes, during rainy season it leaks water inside).

A FULLY EQUIPPED LAND ROVER WOULD WIN HANDS DOWN. THERE IS NO KIND OF STUPID AMERICAN MUSCLE CAR, THAT CAN OUT PERFORM A FULLY EQUIPPED LAND ROVER OFF ROAD. nuff said.

landrover-mercs there is no comparison i say landrovers are far supperior than any german model car

there we are

WHAT DO YOU MEAN US SCOTS ARE TIGHT? we invented the telephone among countless other stuff, it was someone from that quaint fishing village on the south coast of scotland that put the money box on it. btw i reckon you could park a hummer in the average septic's gob

i'll run and hide now

basically, american guy, the humnmer loses.

Well i think nobody really answered the real question here. i do not own a Defender (unfortunately) or a Hummer, but i can tell you that there's no way a hummer can drive with the water up to the hood, also they might be bigger and heavier but for the same reason not as easy to turn specially off road, besides that we have the automatic transmition that sucks, specially while driving off road or on highway. I've done some research on hummer and they proudly anounce that you can drive them on 60 cms of water, well i own a VW van and i've drove it with deeper water (my town floded after a hurricane) and in only accesible with 4wd roads all over central americ while looking for waves. In my opinion a Hummer might look great, that's good if you plan on driving in the city or for a picnic out of town, but if you really want to go out of the main roads there's nothing like a Landrover Defender or if you are poor a VW van

elo lonesurfer, thank you for the excellent first post - keep up the good work