Ask Any Old Git (ceptin fer lord slob)

Do you want to know why naughty men in boats are named after a mineral? or are they?
Do you want to know why the universe is related to a drunk Yella Disco?
or just what his heating doesn't work - this is the place to ask.....


go ahead - make his day!

If gurls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice

Why do they smell of prawns?

I'll get me coat.

because dear boy as you are aware all land animals originally came from the sea. so we all smelt mlike fish once. but as men are far more advanced than wimin we have lost the tang of halibut, whereas wimin ain't, which is why they still smell like a two day old trout

Why does a brown cow yeild white milk when it only eats green grass?

if god made everything, who made god?

What came first the chicken or the egg?

why do dogs have cold noses?

G

...and could you tell me how to carry out a lateral plate bearing test before tomorrow as there is no british standard for it and i have to do one?

G

why wont mrs lovejoy, (her at number 26), come to a motel with me?

Where did I put the battery cover for my CB?

Sheddy said:

Why does a brown cow yeild white milk when it only eats green grass?

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dead easy this one

a cow has two stomaches, and we all know from our time spent in art classes that if you mix up a whole **** load of different colours you end up with black.
so in the first stomache the cow produces black stuff , but then it goes through the second one and is trans-verted into white stuff

discomania said:

What came first the chicken or the egg?

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neither the cockrel came first and the hen had to go behind the hen house and finish herself off

Griffdowg said:

why do dogs have cold noses?

G

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its gawds why of telling you not to get drunk and fall asleep watchin telly.

esp naked and lying face down.
(dont ask me how i know).

ormus said:

why wont mrs lovejoy, (her at number 26), come to a motel with me?

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because she's too busy doing my washing up and she reckons you're an ugly bastid

i never thought if that.
many thanks.
regards
nob,ed

Griffdowg said:

...and could you tell me how to carry out a lateral plate bearing test before tomorrow as there is no british standard for it and i have to do one?

G

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well you have to give more info.. like, to what standard are you expected to perform this test to. and what size of bearings are involved?

discomania said:

Where did I put the battery cover for my CB?

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mmm!!! i think you put it down behind the @àç"'~~~²² . or maybe you lost it

lol probably be a crap standard because were not doing the test like you would horizontally and gravity doesnt like it and its all going to go rong when im down a 4m deep pit with a 50 tonne jack and 2 40kg steel plates between me legs

ormus said:

if god made everything, who made god?

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who else but moi