Highways Dept sense of humour

  • Thread starter Richard Brookman
  • Start date
This site contains affiliate links for which LandyZone may be compensated if you make a purchase.
R

Richard Brookman

Guest
You know those new big gantries with the electronic messages on - Don't
Drive Tired, etc?

Coming home down the M4 this evening in atrocious conditions - driving rain,
side winds, heavy spray and lots of standing water. Signs had been warning
us all the way that the conditions were bad. All traffic down to about
40mph. I'd just remarked to my passenger what utterly sh*t weather it was,
when we saw a faulty overhead sign. There in massive yellow letters:

POO DRIVING CONDITIONS

I'll say.

--

Rich

Series 2a
RR 4.6
V8 trialler
dog, wife, kids, whatever


 
On or around Sun, 3 Oct 2004 20:13:30 +0000 (UTC), "Richard Brookman"
<[email protected]> enlightened us thusly:

>You know those new big gantries with the electronic messages on - Don't
>Drive Tired, etc?
>
>Coming home down the M4 this evening in atrocious conditions - driving rain,
>side winds, heavy spray and lots of standing water. Signs had been warning
>us all the way that the conditions were bad. All traffic down to about
>40mph. I'd just remarked to my passenger what utterly sh*t weather it was,
>when we saw a faulty overhead sign. There in massive yellow letters:
>
>POO DRIVING CONDITIONS
>
>I'll say.

oh hurrah.

 

"Austin Shackles" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> On or around Sun, 3 Oct 2004 20:13:30 +0000 (UTC), "Richard Brookman"
> <[email protected]> enlightened us thusly:
>
>>You know those new big gantries with the electronic messages on - Don't
>>Drive Tired, etc?
>>
>>Coming home down the M4 this evening in atrocious conditions - driving rain,
>>side winds, heavy spray and lots of standing water. Signs had been warning
>>us all the way that the conditions were bad. All traffic down to about
>>40mph. I'd just remarked to my passenger what utterly sh*t weather it was,
>>when we saw a faulty overhead sign. There in massive yellow letters:
>>
>>POO DRIVING CONDITIONS
>>
>>I'll say.
>
> oh hurrah.
>

Cutting, very cutting.


 

"Richard Brookman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> POO DRIVING CONDITIONS

I suspect it was probably meant to say: POOR DRIVING CONDITIONS.

But what gets me about the signs is the totally pointless messages. You're
driving down the M1, it's a proper pea souper and you can't see past the
next white line in front of you. You go past a matrix. What does it say?

"Fog"

No **** Sherlock!

--
Pete Foster - www.xmob.co.uk


 
"Pete Foster" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...

> I suspect it was probably meant to say: POOR DRIVING CONDITIONS.
>
> But what gets me about the signs is the totally pointless messages.
> You're
> driving down the M1, it's a proper pea souper and you can't see past the
> next white line in front of you. You go past a matrix. What does it say?
>
> "Fog"
>
> No **** Sherlock!

At work we get the Servere weather Warnings from the Met and also Flood
warnings.

The "50% Chance of rain" one always gets me..I mean ... how do they know?
Must take years of study to work that one out.

On Holiday this year we passed a Blackboard sign on one of our camp sites It
read, "Morning 36 Degrees , Afternoon 38 Degrees, Chance of Drought, Fog ,
Rain and Snow in places, some more than others" That kind of summed up
weather forcasting for me in a nut shell.

Lee D


 
"Pete Foster" <[email protected]> wrote in
news:[email protected]:

>
> "Richard Brookman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>> POO DRIVING CONDITIONS
>
> I suspect it was probably meant to say: POOR DRIVING
> CONDITIONS.
>
> But what gets me about the signs is the totally pointless
> messages. You're driving down the M1, it's a proper pea
> souper and you can't see past the next white line in front
> of you. You go past a matrix. What does it say?
>
> "Fog"
>
> No **** Sherlock!
>

Yeah, one up here read BEWARE SNOW with a foot of snow on top of
the sign and the countryside totally whited out! Oh, thank
goodness they pointed that out! We might have missed it!

A meteorologist at the airport on Orkney got fed up with farmers
phoning wanting to know when it would stop raining, etc. Now he
gives specific advice, "It will stop raining at 2.23 this
afternoon", etc.

Derry
 
"Pete Foster" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
> "Richard Brookman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
> > POO DRIVING CONDITIONS
>
> I suspect it was probably meant to say: POOR DRIVING CONDITIONS.
>

Yeah, I'd kinda worked that out. The previous six saying exactly that
gave me a clue :)

Just seemed very appropriate, and made me laugh.

Rich
 

"Lee_D" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> "Pete Foster" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>
>> I suspect it was probably meant to say: POOR DRIVING CONDITIONS.
>>
>> But what gets me about the signs is the totally pointless messages. You're
>> driving down the M1, it's a proper pea souper and you can't see past the
>> next white line in front of you. You go past a matrix. What does it say?
>>
>> "Fog"
>>
>> No **** Sherlock!
>
> At work we get the Servere weather Warnings from the Met and also Flood warnings.
>
> The "50% Chance of rain" one always gets me..I mean ... how do they know? Must take years of study to
> work that one out.
>
> On Holiday this year we passed a Blackboard sign on one of our camp sites It read, "Morning 36 Degrees
> , Afternoon 38 Degrees, Chance of Drought, Fog , Rain and Snow in places, some more than others" That
> kind of summed up weather forcasting for me in a nut shell.
>
> Lee D
>
>

You're not wrong mate, I took a day off today to do a few bits on the RR, the BBC website showed a great
big sun fop yesterday & today, it's like a hurricane here today & yesterday was worse.

Ho hum, film for me then!

Nige


 

"Pete Foster wrote ...

> But what gets me about the signs is the totally pointless messages.
> You're
> driving down the M1, it's a proper pea souper and you can't see past the
> next white line in front of you. You go past a matrix. What does it say?
>

Coming up from Guildford on the A3 as you approach the M25 there are two of
those big signs and twice recently they have both said "DON'T DRIVE TIRED"
when the M25 is actually stationary clockwise, the way I want to go.
What is the point? More of our money wasted!
If they had told me what they should I could have taken another route.

--
Regards
Bob
In Runnymede, 17 miles West of London




 
I'm glad to see that the ones here in Australia are programmed by the same
blokes who program yours. I've never seen a useful message yet. The closest
is abouit car accident that have already been cleared away.

Then we get really useful ones telling us to use public transport to go to the
football. Heaven forbid! I've never seen a game of football (of any code -
Aussie Rules, Rugby League, Rugby Union, Soccer, gridiron) in my life (I'm
only 56). So why would I want to catch public transport to see a game?

Ron Beckett
Emu Plains, Australia


"Austin Shackles" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> >You know those new big gantries with the electronic messages on - Don't
> >Drive Tired, etc?


 
"The Becketts" <[email protected]> wrote in
news:[email protected]:

> I'm glad to see that the ones here in Australia are programmed by the
> same blokes who program yours. I've never seen a useful message yet.
> The closest is abouit car accident that have already been cleared
> away.
>
> Then we get really useful ones telling us to use public transport to
> go to the football. Heaven forbid! I've never seen a game of
> football (of any code - Aussie Rules, Rugby League, Rugby Union,
> Soccer, gridiron) in my life (I'm only 56). So why would I want to
> catch public transport to see a game?
>
> Ron Beckett
> Emu Plains, Australia
>
>
> "Austin Shackles" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>> >You know those new big gantries with the electronic messages on -
>> >Don't Drive Tired, etc?

French ones have messages that carefully avoid implying that the reader
themselves might be a risk to life and limb, such as "Restez zen" and
"Alcool au volant = not a very good idea" (I don't remember the end of that
one). What they should say is "Keep driving up the backside of cars in
front at 140kph and you will eventually screw it up and die, you twerp"
(twerp = connard, close enough, for those following rude French in another
thread).

Jeremy
 
In article <[email protected]>, Richard Brookman
<[email protected]> writes
>You know those new big gantries with the electronic messages on - Don't
>Drive Tired, etc?
>
>Coming home down the M4 this evening in atrocious conditions - driving rain,
>side winds, heavy spray and lots of standing water. Signs had been warning
>us all the way that the conditions were bad. All traffic down to about
>40mph. I'd just remarked to my passenger what utterly sh*t weather it was,
>when we saw a faulty overhead sign. There in massive yellow letters:
>
>POO DRIVING CONDITIONS
>
>I'll say.
>


Unlike the one on the A40 -> M40 slip road on Saturday lunch time that
said "Fog". Blue sky, visibility great.


Adrian
--
To Reply :
replace "news" with "adrian" and "nospam" with "ffoil"
Sorry for the rigmarole, If I want spam, I'll go to the shops
Every time someone says "I don't believe in trolls", another one dies.
 
On Sunday, in article <[email protected]>
[email protected] "Adrian Simpson" wrote:

> In article <[email protected]>, Richard Brookman
> <[email protected]> writes
> >You know those new big gantries with the electronic messages on - Don't
> >Drive Tired, etc?
> >
> >Coming home down the M4 this evening in atrocious conditions - driving rain,
> >side winds, heavy spray and lots of standing water. Signs had been warning
> >us all the way that the conditions were bad. All traffic down to about
> >40mph. I'd just remarked to my passenger what utterly sh*t weather it was,
> >when we saw a faulty overhead sign. There in massive yellow letters:
> >
> >POO DRIVING CONDITIONS
> >
> >I'll say.
> >
>
>
> Unlike the one on the A40 -> M40 slip road on Saturday lunch time that
> said "Fog". Blue sky, visibility great.

I don't know that area, but locally it's quite common to have thick fog
around Brigg, which clears about half a mile west of the M18/A15
junction. So it there were a warning sign at the junction west of
Scunthorpe I'd expect it to be warning of fog, just as you describe.

--
David G. Bell -- SF Fan, Filker, and Punslinger.

"History shows that the Singularity started when Sir Tim Berners-Lee
was bitten by a radioactive spider."
 
In message <[email protected]>, Lee_D
<[email protected]> writes
>"Pete Foster" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>news:[email protected]...
>
>> I suspect it was probably meant to say: POOR DRIVING CONDITIONS.
>>
>> But what gets me about the signs is the totally pointless messages.
>> You're
>> driving down the M1, it's a proper pea souper and you can't see past the
>> next white line in front of you. You go past a matrix. What does it say?
>>
>> "Fog"
>>
>> No **** Sherlock!
>
>At work we get the Servere weather Warnings from the Met and also Flood
>warnings.
>
>The "50% Chance of rain" one always gets me..I mean ... how do they know?
>Must take years of study to work that one out.
>
Is that what's called an each way bet?
--
hugh
Reply to address is valid at the time of posting
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top