I hate Landrovers

I hate Landrovers
Particularly P38As
Very distinctly 4.6 HSEs
I could give you a VIN number here....

OK it had me for a new engine after the stupid liner slip self inflicted problem.
And the Electronic Air Suspension is as reliable as Windows 95 on a bad day...
...and has been for nearly two months despite all the dealers work.

But this morning I got up at half past three.
Now I'm not in my best form this early so the problems aren't quite as obvious
to the poor little brain but I'm supposed to be picking a friend up at 5.30
50 miles north of here to go a further 130 miles for a days diving. The kit is
piled in the hall and all I need is the car.

The battery has gone flat. It was OK on Tuesday and it's built like a pallet of
bricks but it's gone flat. The security computer is not getting enough volts
to think straight, has lost the plot and is looking for a fight. I'm the patsie.

I point the key at it and push the button. It ignores me. I'm a little
perplexed but I've seen it before so I put the key in the lock and turn it.
That unlocks the drivers door so the computer locks it again. And again. And
again. The chug-chug-chug of the door locks making sure they are locked begins
to register with me but I don't realise it is out to get me yet and think it
has just still upset about the key that went in the swimming pool.

Unlock and snatch the door open. Door opens but the alarm goes. Panic. It is
4am and my neighbours probably have lives that will not be improved by this.
Turning they key in the lock doesn't do anything so I shut the door and hope.
After an eternity it shuts up.

So I grovel about for the manual disarm instructions. I find them and go
through the procedure. It ignores me and then says 'Keycode lockout' on the
dash. But I've only done it once and I'm sure I did it OK???

Slowly it dawns on me that maybe things are a bit sluggish and the lights
aren't too bright so maybe the battery is down. Walk back home, only about a
hundred yards, for a volt-meter and spanners et. al.

We play locking and unlocking doors for a bit with various amounts of alarm and
get the bonnet up and read 7 volts. Rude words are said.

The portable battery with built in jump-start cables is in the back. Can I
unlock the tail gate? No way. So it is a clamber over the front seats and lean
over the back to pull the parcel shelf thing open despite the tailgate being on
it and get it out. Jump the battery.

'Keycode lockout'. It is now running at 12 volts but it remembers things.
Finally I leave the bonnet up with the jumper box attached and retreat to lick
wounds. It is now 5am so I ring the guy I'm meeting and tell him to go back to
bed.

I am standing by the car, half an hour later when the 'Keycode lockout' finally
goes out. I go through the sequence to switch things on.Horary it all works.

Switch off. Remove the jump box so I can reconnect the battery. chug-chug-chug.
No No. It's the seven volts effect. Put the jump box back. 'Keycode lockout'.
Cry.

So now I am back in the house. The battery in on charge and the jump box is
supporting the electrics so the 30 minute penalty time expires.. In a few
minutes I will take the battery with 30mins at 5A in it back. Hopefully it will
manage to give me 12V and keep things going and let the jump box start things
but I'm not counting any chickens.

If I post a follow-up this evening it worked.
If I post this morning it didn't.
If late this evening/tomorrow it had me again but far from home.
If never I have been arrested for pouring petrol in it and torching it by the curbside
and am detained for my own protection awaiting psychiatric reports.

nigelH

Nigel Hewitt wrote:
> I hate Landrovers

<snip>

If it makes you feel better, the driver's window in my 1994 Disco,
which has been sticking for a while now, decided to jam again at the
entrance to a multistorey car park yesterday. I gave it the ususal tug
but this time it promptly shot right down like a stone in a mineshaft
and exploded with a sickening crash in the depths of the door. As a
final insult, it spat half a dozen cubes of shattered glass up through
the window slot, right into my face.

The result? A 20-mile drive back home, with no driver's window, on one
of the coldest days of the year. I'm third-party insurance as well -
any tips on the best place to go for a replacement window?

- Tom
SW Essex.

Nigel Hewitt <[email protected]> uttered summat worrerz
funny about:
> I hate Landrovers
> Particularly P38As
> Very distinctly 4.6 HSEs
> I could give you a VIN number here....

H'mm have you read the origon Sceinetific weather station posts and also
wireless alrams that cause flat batteries?

Could be your neighbours equipment has rudely awoken them.

Lee

> If I post a follow-up this evening it worked.
> If I post this morning it didn't.
> If late this evening/tomorrow it had me again but far from home.
> If never I have been arrested for pouring petrol in it and torching it by
the curbside
> and am detained for my own protection awaiting psychiatric reports.

Blimey Nige, it's 7pm and nothing from you.

I think I'd torch it anyway, mine has been a pig at times with the alarm
going off for no good reason but your scenario was a nightmare. Fortunately
my nearest neighbour is the father in law of the guy who sold it to me so he
can't say anything when the alarm goes off at 4a.m.!!

TonyB

And my wife's P38 DT of 1996 vintage behaves perfectly with the only trouble
being a collapsing turbo intake hose which was quickly identified and sorted
by Merlins at Doncaster (Merlin - magic perhaps!!!)

I reckon yours has an extra component - its called a "Gremlin"!

--
Regards

David J. Button
"TonyB" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
>> If I post a follow-up this evening it worked.
>> If I post this morning it didn't.
>> If late this evening/tomorrow it had me again but far from home.
>> If never I have been arrested for pouring petrol in it and torching it by
> the curbside
>> and am detained for my own protection awaiting psychiatric reports.
>
> Blimey Nige, it's 7pm and nothing from you.
>
> I think I'd torch it anyway, mine has been a pig at times with the alarm
> going off for no good reason but your scenario was a nightmare.
> Fortunately
> my nearest neighbour is the father in law of the guy who sold it to me so
> he
> can't say anything when the alarm goes off at 4a.m.!!
>
> TonyB
>
>

Nigel Hewitt wrote:
> I hate Landrovers

I got there. OK it was at 10am not 7am so we only did one dive
which was a pity. Once the thing was charged and protected
from low voltages it behaved itself and let me resync the keys.
Even the new 'scooters', the reason for the trip, were good and
we circumnavigated the Stoney Cove quarry in about 50 minutes.
It was 5C but we were in full cold water gear on rebreathers and
argon suit inflate so it was fun and I finally stopped sulking. I
always take to much kit diving which is the reason the Rangie
crept into my life.

The only reason I could find, when I finally sat in the seat with
the engine running, was in Reverse not Park. Could this stop
something closing down and be the reason the battery was
eaten up? I know the computers are pretty greedy on a P38
but was that the excuse? Anybody know?

Thank you for putting up with me.
nigelH

>
> I got there. OK it was at 10am not 7am so we only did one dive
> which was a pity. Once the thing was charged and protected
> from low voltages it behaved itself and let me resync the keys.
> Even the new 'scooters', the reason for the trip, were good and
> we circumnavigated the Stoney Cove quarry in about 50 minutes.
> It was 5C but we were in full cold water gear on rebreathers and
> argon suit inflate so it was fun and I finally stopped sulking. I
> always take to much kit diving which is the reason the Rangie
> crept into my life.
>
> The only reason I could find, when I finally sat in the seat with
> the engine running, was in Reverse not Park. Could this stop
> something closing down and be the reason the battery was
> eaten up? I know the computers are pretty greedy on a P38
> but was that the excuse? Anybody know?
>
> Thank you for putting up with me.

Nigel, my heart went out to you, don't apologise. I'd have kicked every
panel in on the damn thing and then berated myself for losing my temper.
Perhaps diving training teaches you to be unemotional about problems like
this.

In reverse the switch will be made ( ie in "on" ) for the reversing lights.
Theoretically that shouldn't have made any difference but it's just possible
that it allowed a drain to earth. You could check by measuring voltages in
Park and Reverse at the battery. ( I assume that the lights don't come on
without the keys in?)

Maybe the battery is duff, it was a pretty cold morning and that can cause
problems unless the battery is good and fully charged. I've got a fairly new
battery on mine but did some work one day with the doors open for several
hours and the next day at -4C it wouldn't start. Same thing a few weeks
later and even after an eleven mile run I accidentally left the headlights
on and flattened a 60 amp hour battery in 20 minutes, because it wasn't
fully charged. My Disco I doesn't have a headlamp buzzer and I've only done
that twice in 100,000 miles.

Glad you're back OK though, hope all is well tomorrow morning otherwise the
neighbours will be throwing things at you!
TonyB

> The only reason I could find, when I finally sat in the seat with
> the engine running, was in Reverse not Park. Could this stop
> something closing down and be the reason the battery was
> eaten up? I know the computers are pretty greedy on a P38
> but was that the excuse? Anybody know?

Yes, unless you leave it in Park the ECU(s) are still active and
will cause a relatively rapid battery drain.

Matt.

>> The only reason I could find, when I finally sat in the seat with
>> the engine running, was in Reverse not Park. Could this stop
>> something closing down and be the reason the battery was
>> eaten up? I know the computers are pretty greedy on a P38
>> but was that the excuse? Anybody know?
>
> Yes, unless you leave it in Park the ECU(s) are still active and
> will cause a relatively rapid battery drain.

As a P.S. I spent a while swearing at mine after Christmas when the
battery had died - spent a couple of hours looking on the Internet
into why the battery would drain, checking out the prices of new
a battery, alternator etc...

....until when I charged it up an got in to start it I realised
the passenger map light had been left on for 5 days over Christmas
when the car wasn't used!

At least in both our cases, the reason for it is now obvious and
won't cost anything to fix!

Matt.

Matthew Maddock wrote:
> Yes, unless you leave it in Park the ECU(s) are still active and
> will cause a relatively rapid battery drain.

So it was self inflicted. <sigh>
Why are things like this always my fault?
No. Don't answer that.
I might not want to know.

TonyB wrote:
> Nigel, my heart went out to you, don't apologise. I'd have kicked
> every panel in on the damn thing and then berated myself for losing
> my temper. Perhaps diving training teaches you to be unemotional
> about problems like this.

I don't think so. It's probably the Beta Blockers (don't ask).
The one thing diving does teach you is cooperation. You tend to dive
with a mate and that is a complete set of sharable spares swimming
along with you. You have a big investment in "I look after you - you
look after me".

Oh well. Thanks for the comments, suggestions and encouragement.
nigelH

"Nigel Hewitt" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
><snip>
.. You tend to dive
> with a mate and that is a complete set of sharable spares swimming
> along with you. You have a big investment in "I look after you - you
> look after me".
>

Which is why I now have two v8i disco's on the drive - and SWMBO won't drive
either of them

Si

Si K came up with the following;:
> "Nigel Hewitt" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>> <snip>
> . You tend to dive
>> with a mate and that is a complete set of sharable spares swimming
>> along with you. You have a big investment in "I look after you - you
>> look after me".
>>
>
> Which is why I now have two v8i disco's on the drive - and SWMBO won't
> drive either of them

You lucky, lucky man.

My swmbo had a go off-roading the Disco. Unfortunately she didn't recognise
the difference between muddy brown water/mud/track and bright green
foliage/trees.

I don't mind a few scratches, it's inevitable, but coming back with half a
Douglas Fir stuck through the front wing was a bit much.

--
Paul ...
(8(|) Homer Rules ..... Doh !!!

> I don't think so. It's probably the Beta Blockers (don't ask).

Don't have to. Atenolol and Propranolol are familiar to me in my line of
work

TonyB

In <[email protected]>, TonyB
<[email protected]> said
>> I don't think so. It's probably the Beta Blockers (don't ask).
>
>Don't have to. Atenolol and Propranolol are familiar to me in my line of
>work

Life's a bitch. Then they medicate you.

Me? I prefer temazepam.
--
Tanuki
"Sitting at the wheel of his long, low-slung Thanatos Sports Six, Sir Henry
whistled happily to himself. He always liked the sensation of power he felt
on the journey to evict a spammer" --from "Sir Henry at MAE-East"

TonyB wrote:
>> I don't think so. It's probably the Beta Blockers (don't ask).
>
> Don't have to. Atenolol and Propranolol are familiar to me in my line
> of work

*sigh*
I think it was Atenolol that took the buzz out of sliding my
knee round a roundabout on the motorbike.

nigelH

Is that a Land Rover then ? are you sure ?

does it have leaf springs ? Naah of course not so can't be a land rover can
it


--
Larry
Series 3 rust and holes

"Nigel Hewitt" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> I hate Landrovers
> Particularly P38As
> Very distinctly 4.6 HSEs
> I could give you a VIN number here....
>
> OK it had me for a new engine after the stupid liner slip self inflicted
problem.
> And the Electronic Air Suspension is as reliable as Windows 95 on a bad
day...
> ..and has been for nearly two months despite all the dealers work.
>
> But this morning I got up at half past three.
> Now I'm not in my best form this early so the problems aren't quite as
obvious
> to the poor little brain but I'm supposed to be picking a friend up at
5.30
> 50 miles north of here to go a further 130 miles for a days diving. The
kit is
> piled in the hall and all I need is the car.
>
> The battery has gone flat. It was OK on Tuesday and it's built like a
pallet of
> bricks but it's gone flat. The security computer is not getting enough
volts
> to think straight, has lost the plot and is looking for a fight. I'm the
patsie.
>
> I point the key at it and push the button. It ignores me. I'm a little
> perplexed but I've seen it before so I put the key in the lock and turn
it.
> That unlocks the drivers door so the computer locks it again. And again.
And
> again. The chug-chug-chug of the door locks making sure they are locked
begins
> to register with me but I don't realise it is out to get me yet and think
it
> has just still upset about the key that went in the swimming pool.
>
> Unlock and snatch the door open. Door opens but the alarm goes. Panic. It
is
> 4am and my neighbours probably have lives that will not be improved by
this.
> Turning they key in the lock doesn't do anything so I shut the door and
hope.
> After an eternity it shuts up.
>
> So I grovel about for the manual disarm instructions. I find them and go
> through the procedure. It ignores me and then says 'Keycode lockout' on
the
> dash. But I've only done it once and I'm sure I did it OK???
>
> Slowly it dawns on me that maybe things are a bit sluggish and the lights
> aren't too bright so maybe the battery is down. Walk back home, only about
a
> hundred yards, for a volt-meter and spanners et. al.
>
> We play locking and unlocking doors for a bit with various amounts of
alarm and
> get the bonnet up and read 7 volts. Rude words are said.
>
> The portable battery with built in jump-start cables is in the back. Can I
> unlock the tail gate? No way. So it is a clamber over the front seats and
lean
> over the back to pull the parcel shelf thing open despite the tailgate
being on
> it and get it out. Jump the battery.
>
> 'Keycode lockout'. It is now running at 12 volts but it remembers things.
> Finally I leave the bonnet up with the jumper box attached and retreat to
lick
> wounds. It is now 5am so I ring the guy I'm meeting and tell him to go
back to
> bed.
>
> I am standing by the car, half an hour later when the 'Keycode lockout'
finally
> goes out. I go through the sequence to switch things on.Horary it all
works.
>
> Switch off. Remove the jump box so I can reconnect the battery.
chug-chug-chug.
> No No. It's the seven volts effect. Put the jump box back. 'Keycode
lockout'.
> Cry.
>
> So now I am back in the house. The battery in on charge and the jump box
is
> supporting the electrics so the 30 minute penalty time expires.. In a few
> minutes I will take the battery with 30mins at 5A in it back. Hopefully it
will
> manage to give me 12V and keep things going and let the jump box start
things
> but I'm not counting any chickens.
>
> If I post a follow-up this evening it worked.
> If I post this morning it didn't.
> If late this evening/tomorrow it had me again but far from home.
> If never I have been arrested for pouring petrol in it and torching it by
the curbside
> and am detained for my own protection awaiting psychiatric reports.
>
> nigelH
>
>

Yep really cool just the thing when Land Rovers do what Land Rovers do.



--
Larry
Series 3 rust and holes

except to someone who does not
believe in the laws of mathematics"

"TonyB" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> > I don't think so. It's probably the Beta Blockers (don't ask).
>
> Don't have to. Atenolol and Propranolol are familiar to me in my line of
> work
>
> TonyB
>
>

i SO want a P38 and can now afford one as a runabout for work but are SO
terrified about the constant gremlins that i stick with my 150,000 1.8td
mile mondeo that just keeps on going and going and going...........
regardless!

All the best!

MC.


"Larry" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Is that a Land Rover then ? are you sure ?
>
> does it have leaf springs ? Naah of course not so can't be a land rover
> can
> it
>
>
> --
> Larry
> Series 3 rust and holes
>
> "Nigel Hewitt" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>> I hate Landrovers
>> Particularly P38As
>> Very distinctly 4.6 HSEs
>> I could give you a VIN number here....
>>
>> OK it had me for a new engine after the stupid liner slip self inflicted
> problem.
>> And the Electronic Air Suspension is as reliable as Windows 95 on a bad
> day...
>> ..and has been for nearly two months despite all the dealers work.
>>
>> But this morning I got up at half past three.
>> Now I'm not in my best form this early so the problems aren't quite as
> obvious
>> to the poor little brain but I'm supposed to be picking a friend up at
> 5.30
>> 50 miles north of here to go a further 130 miles for a days diving. The
> kit is
>> piled in the hall and all I need is the car.
>>
>> The battery has gone flat. It was OK on Tuesday and it's built like a
> pallet of
>> bricks but it's gone flat. The security computer is not getting enough
> volts
>> to think straight, has lost the plot and is looking for a fight. I'm the
> patsie.
>>
>> I point the key at it and push the button. It ignores me. I'm a little
>> perplexed but I've seen it before so I put the key in the lock and turn
> it.
>> That unlocks the drivers door so the computer locks it again. And again.
> And
>> again. The chug-chug-chug of the door locks making sure they are locked
> begins
>> to register with me but I don't realise it is out to get me yet and think
> it
>> has just still upset about the key that went in the swimming pool.
>>
>> Unlock and snatch the door open. Door opens but the alarm goes. Panic. It
> is
>> 4am and my neighbours probably have lives that will not be improved by
> this.
>> Turning they key in the lock doesn't do anything so I shut the door and
> hope.
>> After an eternity it shuts up.
>>
>> So I grovel about for the manual disarm instructions. I find them and go
>> through the procedure. It ignores me and then says 'Keycode lockout' on
> the
>> dash. But I've only done it once and I'm sure I did it OK???
>>
>> Slowly it dawns on me that maybe things are a bit sluggish and the lights
>> aren't too bright so maybe the battery is down. Walk back home, only
>> about
> a
>> hundred yards, for a volt-meter and spanners et. al.
>>
>> We play locking and unlocking doors for a bit with various amounts of
> alarm and
>> get the bonnet up and read 7 volts. Rude words are said.
>>
>> The portable battery with built in jump-start cables is in the back. Can
>> I
>> unlock the tail gate? No way. So it is a clamber over the front seats and
> lean
>> over the back to pull the parcel shelf thing open despite the tailgate
> being on
>> it and get it out. Jump the battery.
>>
>> 'Keycode lockout'. It is now running at 12 volts but it remembers things.
>> Finally I leave the bonnet up with the jumper box attached and retreat to
> lick
>> wounds. It is now 5am so I ring the guy I'm meeting and tell him to go
> back to
>> bed.
>>
>> I am standing by the car, half an hour later when the 'Keycode lockout'
> finally
>> goes out. I go through the sequence to switch things on.Horary it all
> works.
>>
>> Switch off. Remove the jump box so I can reconnect the battery.
> chug-chug-chug.
>> No No. It's the seven volts effect. Put the jump box back. 'Keycode
> lockout'.
>> Cry.
>>
>> So now I am back in the house. The battery in on charge and the jump box
> is
>> supporting the electrics so the 30 minute penalty time expires.. In a few
>> minutes I will take the battery with 30mins at 5A in it back. Hopefully
>> it
> will
>> manage to give me 12V and keep things going and let the jump box start
> things
>> but I'm not counting any chickens.
>>
>> If I post a follow-up this evening it worked.
>> If I post this morning it didn't.
>> If late this evening/tomorrow it had me again but far from home.
>> If never I have been arrested for pouring petrol in it and torching it by
> the curbside
>> and am detained for my own protection awaiting psychiatric reports.
>>
>> nigelH
>>
>>
>
>

Mark C. wrote:
> i SO want a P38 and can now afford one as a runabout for work but are
> SO terrified about the constant gremlins that i stick with my 150,000
> 1.8td mile mondeo that just keeps on going and going and
> going........... regardless!
>
> All the best!
>
> MC.

Think about it, they are so cheap now just buy one! Parts are mega silly from dealers, but you can make
do & mend. I was quoted £560 for a new lower tailgate & painting. I got a virtually new one off eBay, got
it properly painted & sorted. It looks like a new one for £140 or so.

If the BeCM goes, it can be refurbed etc. ECU's cost bugger all on eBay.

You wont find a better buy for the money.

Just expect something to fail & you wont go far wrong, so factor it into your price.

Nige