Start you Bassa! Or, oh dear what could be wrong now

Today I had a, well another problem.
It was home time and I had earned my pittance, I had loaded all my tools into the back of my Range and was sitting in the driving seat waiting to hear the reassuring roar of a V8 in fine fettle. Turned the key to the second position with everything lighting up and telling me that Thunderbirds are go, until I turn the key to starter and.. Thunderbirds are bloody well not go!
So I sat there, checked everything, gearbox in park, all the dashboard lights on again and... bloody nothing.
Messed about with the gear selector, nothing again.
Wiggled the key... Nothing again.
Swore at it... Nothing again.
Pleaded with it... Nothing again.
Polished the mirror...Nothing again
Locked the doors and unlocked the doors, switched the lights on and off, took the key out and locked the doors and hid where the car couldn't see me, drank coffee and felt sorry for myself and then went back outside and crept up to the car using natural cover and shadows, unlocked and got in and tried again...
Bloody nothing, phoned the wife, called the AA and was describing the issue to the very pleasant sounding young lady when...
Nothing happened,again.
Fed up by this time I had given up and was flicking through my phone looking for any pictures of the South East Championship All Ladies Lard Wrestling and Wet Boiler Suit Challenge when to my surprise I noticed the windows were fogging up. So I turned the key to lower the window when THE BLOODY THING STARTED.
What was I to do, I had just got to the semi finals of the Miss Bib and Brace category, but I wanted to go home.
Anyway, called the AA and spoke to the young lady again before wending my weary way home.

So any ideas. Or at least any ideas that don't involve ample chested ladies in damp workwear with no vests

I think I have figured out that she does not like being clean as everything that goes wrong happens after I have shed blood making her look her best.

Lovely pic does it work

You say started to steam up is it damp inside? Can cause havoc for no reason.
So you pressure washed it
J

That was probably me steaming up.

I would suspect a dodgy connection on battery. Works fine at low current but the kicks terminal just out of place when high current

oakey said:

I would suspect a dodgy connection on battery. Works fine at low current but the kicks terminal just out of place when high current

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Yeah, that is worth a look. Thanks.

NJW5007 said:

Yeah, that is worth a look. Thanks.

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I had the feeling that it was an immobiliser type of thingy.

Battery, starter motor, earth points on the engine front right side to chassis is common that's looking from the drivers seat. Looks nice n clean

Nice car. However, the answer to your problem is obvious.

It's a range Rover.

Best suggestion is to wind forward to the Final - those lard and boiler suit girls are amazing in the finale!

NJW5007 said:

I think I have figured out that she does not like being clean as everything that goes wrong happens after I have shed blood making her look her best.

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Hi just catching up and Oakley my be on the money with the battery terminal theory as the same thing happened to me two weeks ago. Everything else worked but no ignition.
Certainly worth keeping damp out as well as we enter rainy season opening doors in the rain and jumping in with wet shoes it’s a recipe for being recovered by men or women in bright yellow jackets.
Hope you get started this evening let us know if you anything significant.
Tricky

oakey said:

I would suspect a dodgy connection on battery. Works fine at low current but the kicks terminal just out of place when high current

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Sorry Oakey for the typo above it’s the bloody iPhone, never had these issues with Samsung lol.
Tricky.

I know nothing about the L322 but I vaguely remember someone mentioning an earth point under the wing or close that acts up and also I am sure there's a dodgy ignition switch issue on some. Is @holidaychicken in hiding?

Grrrrrr said:

I know nothing about the L322 but I vaguely remember someone mentioning an earth point under the wing or close that acts up and also I am sure there's a dodgy ignition switch issue on some. Is @holidaychicken in hiding?

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He must have found new "friend " victim,

Tricky of York said:

Hi just catching up and Oakley my be on the money with the battery terminal theory as the same thing happened to me two weeks ago. Everything else worked but no ignition.
Certainly worth keeping damp out as well as we enter rainy season opening doors in the rain and jumping in with wet shoes it’s a recipe for being recovered by men or women in bright yellow jackets.
Hope you get started this evening let us know if you anything significant.
Tricky

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The damnable thing worked perfectly today, but I am going to get out the emery paper and grease and give the battery terminals, earth terminals a bloody good going over.
Thank you.

Grrrrrr said:

I know nothing about the L322 but I vaguely remember someone mentioning an earth point under the wing or close that acts up and also I am sure there's a dodgy ignition switch issue on some. Is @holidaychicken in hiding?

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I've had earth problem, but mine was a immediate fail, no warnings. A new earth solved the issue.

Thank you all.
This morning I was feeling a little under the weather, a combination of very little sleep and a cold meant that I really did not want to go to work. I decided that if the Range didn't start then I was going back to bed. That being the case I put the key into the ignition and turned the key...
Nothing happened except the roar of a V8, keen and ready to get stuck into the working day.
"Oh good" I quoth somewhat unconvincingly, the thought of my still warm bed receding from my shattered vision.
Any way, I got to work and struggled through the day, sneezing, sniffing and coughing, which when your wearing a face mask can leave a mask very soggy aftter a short while until eventually it was time to go home. I was running a bit late by then so I literally threw my tools into the back of the car and climbed, with trepidation into the captains chair and inserted the key. Pausing to pray to the God of British cars, who must have been on some kind if sabatical for the past couple of years, I turned the key and was rewarded with that awesome V8 sound.
No more work until next Tuesday, so tomorrow I am going to attack the battery terminals and earthing terminals with emery cloth and some Ambersil terminal stuff.
So please, don't tell me who won the Ladies Lard Wrestling and Wet Boiler Suit Challenge, I have it recorded for when 'she who must be obeyed' is out at her garrotting classes.

" They can take our homes, they can take our lives, but they can't take away our Range Rovers"!

The earth lead that has come up on here before was the actual lead corroded inside and needed replacing and was passenger side by the engine mount to chassis, if that helps.

brianp38dse said:

The earth lead that has come up on here before was the actual lead corroded inside and needed replacing and was passenger side by the engine mount to chassis, if that helps.

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Yep, same as mine. When mine happened I didn't have time to search for it. So the nice yellow van man, just made another one.

Cheers!
Pleased to say that I found a dry joint on the positive battery terminal that required me to cut the lead and remake the end to the battery. The lug was tight on the terminal, thus the reason I did not spot it immediately, but the copper inside the lug was corroded and obviously providing a high restistance (4 Ohms) path. Enough as you said, to run ancilliaries but also enough to cause high current starting problems.
Thank you all for your help and I love you all. ( In a manly, non beastly way and fully clothed at all times, adhering to social distancing etc etc)

For the second time, I now have a Range Rover with EVERYTHING working. ( for now!)