The Official Joke Thread

[retsgom]

Just been thinking!!!!!

How's about a joke thread ????

BUT PLEASE NOTHING RACIST OR OFFENSIVE !!!!!!!!!!!

[Bigstoo]

bugger, all my jokes are racist or offensive, looks like no offering from me then.

[retsgom]

lmao!!!!!! All mine are too!!!!!!

Thats why i need some new jokes to tell at work!!! Being a solicitor it can be easy to offend!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Grippa]

My only offering was ABOUT Solicitors/lawyers & is a reply to you Retsgom - re:insurance in the Series forum. Guess you MUST have heard it?

I've got one about "why is a woman like KFC?", but it IS filthy & doesn't really relate to Landys OR Solicitors!

Nope, nothing clean or inoffensive then......................................


Oh, except ->

Why do little ducks walk softly?


Cos' they can't walk hardly.


Kinda like that!

[retsgom]

Thanks Marcus!!!!!

Well you soon find out who your friends are on here, lmao!!!!!!!

Here are some crazy but true quotes ive heard in court,

1,Were you alone, or by yourself ?

2,Have you lived here all your life ?

3, Q, So she had 3 children ?
A, Yes!
Q, How many were boys ?
A, None!
Q, Did she have any daughters ?

[tigapiglet]

I Work For Landrover And Get FED Up With People Keep Asking About The Disco 3 And Saying Well It Looks A Bit Ugly, I Had To Bite My Tongue As My Reply Was Going To Be "its A Bit Like Your Wife Sir A Good Ride But Not Much To Look At" I Still Have A Job But I Also Have 3 Kids And A MortgageSO SAID I SUPPOSE YOUR RIGHT.

[retsgom]

Nice line!!!

But like you say, a mortgage and kids helps you to bite the old tongue!!!!

One of our local magistrates reported me for speaking before engageing brain, I had a really THICK client who on some days forgot his name and date of birth, The head of the bench asked me if he was deaf, and quick as a flash i replied, ERM the wheel is still spinning, but i think the hamster is long dead !!!!!!

[George]

1) A Land Rover doesn't leak oil, it just marks it's territory.
2) When putting a Land Rover portrait against the wall, remember to put some old newspapers on the floor to catch the oil leaks.
3) Why is a Land Rovers rear windows heated? So your hands are warm when you push them.
4) Why did they use Land Rovers for the Camel trophy? To make things as difficult as possible for the contestants.
5) With a Land Rover you can't decide whether to park on a hill in case your starter fails or on the flat in case your handbrake fails.
6) How do you get oil into a Land Rover? Throw the oils over the engine and it will leak in.
7) What does the Titanic and a Land Rover have in common? It has the same turning circle and is just as waterproof

[slob]

i got one about hurricanes but if i tell it now some septics might get the hump. so if y'awl wanna hear it yule just have to say.
slob

[retsgom]

Oh go on, Please tell !!!!!!